2009, by awesomepatrol

Details are still sketchy, but reliable sources have leaked that late last night Santa was given a fine of over $500 dollars for having his sled parked in a designated wilderness area. Apparently good ole Saint Nick was giving his reindeer a little rest in a wilderness zone outside of Missoula, Montana. Sources say Santa was having trouble keeping the sled straight because Prancer has been on a drinking binge after his life partner Dancer had been hit and killed by a careless tourist while vacationing in Yellowstone Park this past summer. Santa was trying to sober him up so he could reach all the boys and girls when National Forest Ranger Rick Johnson found Santa illegally parked in a wilderness area. Ranger Rick stated that having a sled powered by magical reindeer is not in the spirit of the wilderness act.

The forest ranger then performed a full search on Santa's sleigh and confiscated all beacons, touring bindings, cell phones, GPS Units, snow kites, and Avalanche Airbags because they have mechanical and electronic components that contradict the wilderness law. These recent government actions spell bad news for all backcountry skiers this Christmas. During the search, 5 elves were also found trying to enter the United States illegally. Allegedly they were trying to escape from Sarah Palin's tyrannical encroachment of the Northern Hemisphere. Santa was also filming a documentary for the Discovery Channel's Most Dangerous Jobs, but got an additional fine when he could not provide the permits to film on public lands. An arrested elf tried to lighten the mood by telling the following joke, "What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods? Santa stops after three ho's." The joke landed on deaf ears and when Ranger Rick was questioned, his only response, "Serves Santa right for stealing the spotlight from Jesus."

Merry Christmas Everybody!

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Kreg wrote on 12/27/09 at 10:26:11 am pst:

lol- but seriously, the gov is out of control. wilderness act needs a complete rewrite to address what's appropriate. outlawing snowkites in the winter? please... What possible impact do they have.