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New Avalung Increases Survival time to record breaking 5 hours under snow | UNITED STATES, UTAH | 04/01/2010, by McGaper
The Black Diamond rep was hesitant to tell us exactly how the new technology works but we finally got it out of him after bribing him with ho-hos and tasty Triscuit crackers. Apparently Black Diamond dubbed the newly improved device, aptly, the AvaBong.
The Avabong works the same as the regular Avalung, with slight modifications for skiers to pack a bowl of their favorite cannabis into the inner chamber of the breathing apparatus. The outside of the chamber is coated with a very sensitive material similar to that found on a match book strike pad. When a skier gets caught in an avalanche, the friction of the snow on the strike pad material creates sparks and ignites the grass. Once the victim is buried, they are forced to inhale the THC which then puts them into a comatose state, slowing down breathing, while increasing heavy thinking. This allows victims to stay calmly buried with an ear-to-ear grin for over five hours with little notice of how much time has actually passed. Rumors of a possible collaboration with Skull Candy Audio Head Wear, to pass the waiting-to-be-dug-up-time with some Pink Floyd, are circulating, but not confirmed.
Recovered victims were reported to be medically fine with a strong desire for Mac & Cheese. One bug they are trying to work out is the accidental ignition when the Avabong inadvertly scrapes a tree or rock while skiing, however testors didn't seem to mind.
Due to Utah's anti-fun policy, most of the product testing has been done in Oregon, Colorado, California and Michael Phelp's basement. The local backcountry skiers who witnessed the product tests first hand thought the Avabong might be a little redundant with their current safety rituals.
That's Our Opinion. What's Yours?
John Knotts wrote on 04/01/10 at 07:57:15 am pst:
LOL! That's awesome. Thanks guys.
Wade wrote on 04/04/10 at 7:32:43 pm pst:
Too funny, best April fools prank yet.
Freeheelgirl wrote on 04/08/10 at 12:02:54 am pst:
Plus, there's an extra incentive to dig you out.
dcapasso wrote on 04/16/10 at 11:50:46 am pst:
My sponsors are totally hooking me up with one of these...I just know it! Now that I have gone audio, totally listening to the Disco Biscuits, relaxed. Now I'm not only RAD, but untouchable in the "any" country. One of the best product reviews, I've seen in awhile. I wish when I like woke up on 4.01.10. My injury really would have been, like a joke!
tonybird wrote on 04/17/10 at 08:37:23 am pst:
according to that photo up there, it looks like the avabong is being offered with an optional tracheotomy fitting. product could quickly move into the urgent care market.
Dave wrote on 04/20/10 at 08:29:33 am pst:
I don't get it. I didn't see this BD web site?
